Thursday, September 18, 2014

I Hate Dating

Now I know that that's a bold statement and kind of makes me sound like a bitter old lady so let me rephrase that.. I love dating.. But only when it's my actual boyfriend or someone that I can stand being around for more than 5 minutes. I've been single for 6 months now and could've probably created a whole blog just on my awful and awkward dating adventures this summer.

Warning: When you're 27 and newly single, all of your friends will try and hook you up with whatever single guy friends they still have left. Some of these guys will be really nice.. But most of them will be full blown weirdos and may even stalk you a little bit.

Some of them will talk in third person.

Some of them will use baby talk. Eek.

Some of them will bring you carnations. (Seriously the cockroach of flowers. It's been over a month and I swear they're still alive and well somewhere in the backseat of my car.) Ca'mon man.

Some of them will ask you to be their girlfriend on the second date. You'll then have to say no and have a nice little awkward 30 minute ride home with them.

They'll then send you snap chats over the next couple of days of friends of theirs (people you don't know) saying "Hope you had fun on your date Cortney!" You will delete them off of Snapchat and debate deleting the app all together.

You'll then get a text from them a few days later where they break up with you. Even though you weren't dating and haven't spoken to them since that really awkward drive home.

You'll just agree with them and let them win because you're hoping they'll go away.. But nope, they'll say that they bought you something "back when things were good" and they still would like you to have it. Huh?  Two dates. When were things good?

You will then thank yourself for never allowing them to pick you up so they don't know where you live. Nobody wants a Lifetime movie based on their life.

If you haven't guessed, this was just one person. I'm half expecting a stuffed animal waiting for me at work today. Hey, I guess as long as it isn't carnations.

And on that note, beer me. Happy Thursday y'all.


Kasey At The Bat said...

carnations ALWAYS make me think of funerals + nursing homes.. but this guy sounds like a TREASURE + definitely the future antagonist of a Lifetime movie. guys are super weird.

Faith B said...

Bahahahahaha he sounds like a stage 5 clinger... also, sounds like the worst 2-date "boyfriend" of all time.
I'd be tempted to change my phone number.

Nancy said...

Carnations remind me of highschool! Our school would sell them for a Valentines Day fundraiser for $1 per flower.. lol aww. I'd change my number!

Janet said...

dating is absolutely the worst. they are only good if they involve wine, pizza, a couch and netflix.

i also had to "breakup" with someone after two dates...

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

"You will then thank yourself for never allowing them to pick you up so they don't know where you live. Nobody wants a Lifetime movie based on their life." BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

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