Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Five Things Tag

I'm really new to this whole blog thing but what I'm loving most about blogging is all the cool new people I'm "meeting" through it. When I get a notification that someone has commented on a post, its like someone just left a bottle of Absolut wrapped in a pretty pink bow on my door step. I get seriously excited.

So when
Erin tagged me in her Five Things Tag, I was pumped. When I stumbled onto her blog and she was talking about making PLD's (Poor Life Decisions) and hating when the bar closes and no one has any booze at their house (I HATE that), it was love at first sight. She's a good egg that Erin so I'm playing along today because she's my new favorite person and I don't want to turn into a donkey.
Five Things About Me
1. I'm a pirate!

 Just kidding.
1. I will eat a whole large bag of movie popcorn and still be able to eat dinner after. It's seriously disturbing how much popcorn I can eat. I really need to slow my role.

2. I hold grudges. I hate that about myself but I do. You kissed my best friend's boyfriend in the 7th grade even though you knew they were still dating. You don't remember that? Well, I do.. and I'm still over here hating you for it.

3. I can do this:
You're welcome.

4. Pickles gross me out. I don't even like to touch them. At work I have to put on gloves for those individuals who want a pickle for their beer (you're sick.) or pickle juice for their Jameson. I also like to make sure they know how gross I think they are for drinking pickle juice. I sometimes forget that I work for tips.

5. I really love Tyler Perry movies. I don't know why.. I just do. Give me a lazy Saturday and I will soak in every little bit of Tyler Perry that TBS will bless me with.

I don't know who to tag so I'm just going to be lame and say that anyone reading this post should do it and then tell me about it because I'd love to learn more about all of you fabulous women.

Poor Remi had to deal with my monkey toes but isn't her new collar cute? Every time I posted a picture of her on Facebook everyone was all like "oh my gawd, he's so cute!!" And she's not a he, she's a she so I had to find a pink collar to steer their asses in the right direction.

Not all dogs are boys people. It's science.

Xoxo, Cortney

Friday, April 26, 2013

It's Friday!

And you know what that means..
Don't judge me.
Xoxo, Cortney

Thursday, April 25, 2013

That Time Your Best Friend Got Married

Happy Thursday! and/or Draft Day! I'll be slinging drinks to all the drunks watching the draft tonight so it's not as much of a holiday for me but I do enjoy watching all the girls that magically become football fans for just one night of drinking with the boys. "Can you make me something fruity but strong?" Sure, and while I'm at it, let me just punch you in the face right quick.
 Linking up with Steph and Chelsee today because
my name is Cortney and I'm an alcoholic I like to party.

So what's that saying? Every brunette needs a blonde best friend? Well, here she is.

Bestie Since 5th Grade/Room Mate/Pledge Sister
And one day, she decided to get married. If your best friend decides to get married and she lives 10 hours away from you, prepare to be driving/flying/drinking a lot.
I don't have a big kid job yet so I'm pretty poor. I gave her the choice of having me at her bridal shower in NY or the bachelorette party in Atlantic City. She obviously picked bachelorette party.. so I obviously drove the 10 hours home to surprise her at her bridal shower.
We might've had a few cocktails.

I drove back to Michigan (forgot my liver in NY) then flew back to go frolick around Atlantic City to celebrate the first one of us to bite the dust get married.
Except if you're in our group of friends, you're lucky enough to have two.
 Then we thought it'd be normal to roll down the boardwalk. Because it is.
But all falling aside, we had a pretty freaking amazing time in AC.
And even got to dance in the fountain inside the Borgata Hotel
But were quickly made to get out.
We all returned back to New York, covered in glitter and smelling like vodka which was pretty much my perfume in college so I was cool with it.
A month later, she got married.
And I got drunk.
Now go enjoy Draft Day for those of us that can't!
Cheers, Cortney

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Papa Don't Preach.. Seriously, Don't.

You know it's going to be a great day when you turn on the news
and see your dad being interviewed.
Oh, is Plaza Towers still closed Dad? Yea? Ok cool.
 That's not embarrassing. Mother F.
I'm pretty bothered by the fact that I'm even watching the news at 7 in the morning. Becoming a mother is no joke folks. I'm talking about a puppy here so if you have a real human child then I salute you.
I'd like to tell you about my day so far:
1. Woke up at the ass crack of dawn because someone had to poop (not me)
2. Watched the news
3. Called my mom and bitched about said new's cast
4. Fed my fur child that eats more than a 200 lb man. I swear.
5. Watched the recap of last night's Dancing With The Stars to make sure Sean Lowe didn't get kicked off because I was already sleeping in a wine coma by the time they
announced who was getting the boot
6. Played tug of war and even let Remi win a couple times
7. Prepared tonight's dinner in the crock pot
8. Realized I made it wrong.
9. Left it that way.10. Googled the video of my dad on the news and sent it to all family members
11. Sat down to write and realized I wasn't in the best mood
12. Decided to write anyway
Now I'd like to tell you about what I'd normally be doing:
1. Waking up
Welp, happy hour might start a little early in this household.
Remi Agrees!
Xoxo, Cortney

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Travel Tuesday - Ft. Laudyyy

I still haven't written about my birthday week in Ft. Lauderdale so I figured what better way to do it than to link up with Helene for Travel Tuesdays! I got a little picture happy so sorry in advance.
There was a lot of preparation going into the trip but none
more important than vacation toes!!
We stayed at the Alhambra Beach Resort which I can honestly say is the best hotel I've ever stayed at. There are only 10 rooms so the staff is extra accomadating and we had such an amazing time. We stayed in the suite which I am so mad at myself for not taking pictures of!
Cute little lizards lived by the pool but sadly,
I didn't catch one to bring home with me. I tried.

 We got there a little late for beach time so we headed to happy hour for a little pre-birthday shenanigans. I was in bed by 10:30 PM. Way to go Cort.

The next morning I woke up to a bunch of birthday cupcakes delivered to our hotel by my wonderful boyfriend who is such an awesome planner. We ended up only eating four of them the whole time that we were there. He knows that I don't like cake but thought cupcakes might be different. Nope. They were really pretty though!
One of my sorority sisters lives in Ft. Lauderdale so she met us at the hotel and we headed down to the beach. We first made a pit stop at Fat Tuesdays. 190 Octane with a shooter? Yes please.

So after a couple birthday shots.. we finally headed to the beach! I need to live by the ocean someday. I'd seriously be so happy to live in a bikini and wear ridiculous flowers on my head every day.

After lounging/drinking on the beach all day, it was time for birthday dinner! Paul chose a cute little spot on the water and I chose to drink too many Miami Vice's.

We Might Have Forgotten SPF.
The Yummy Dessert I Don't Remember Eating
 Everyday after that we just did the beach bum thing with our Fat Tuesday cups. I had to take a picture of the lifeguard stand because of the purple flag which means "Dangerous Marine Life." This flag was up everyday that we were there but we still swam anyway. Liquid courage.

Thirsty Paul?

Our last night in Ft. Laudy, we went out with my sorority sister and her boy toy. We wanted to keep it "low key" because we had to drive to Orlando the next day. We didn't. Most of my pictures from that night are not blog material.

Could Paul be more tan?
Our last night in Florida we spent in Orlando with one of Paul's college buddies and his girlfriend. His girlfriend is from Brazil and doesn't speak english very well. They took us to a cigar bar and his girlfriend showed me the girly cigars that tasted like blueberries.
I hate cigars or anything you smoke in general but I was just glad to be able to talk to her about something.
So that was the PG version of our trip. I already told you about the way less fun way it ended here. I still can't believe that happened.
 Where have you been lately?
Helene in Between
Had to show you how excited Remi was about my post today.
Obviously pretty freaking excited.
Xoxo, Cortney

Monday, April 22, 2013

Sleepless in Seattle

Except not Seattle, but more like cold, rainy monsooning, flooding little Michigan. But more on that later. WHAT A WEEKEND! I stayed up until 4 every night because I was drinking vodka/soda's, doing Rumple and dancing on whatever bar I could get my little dancing shoes on!
Oh wait, just kidding.
I was up that late because I'm a mother now!
To this little person:
Her name is Remi Rae and she's a 6 week old Great Dane. We weren't planning on getting her until next weekend but when we went to visit her on Saturday, the breeder surprised us by asking if we wanted to bring her home.
Even though our place wasn't puppy proofed at all and we hadn't bought a single thing, we definitely weren't going to say no!
The Ride Home.. Look At Those Paws!
So we brought her home and found out that Great Dane puppies sleep a lot.. but only when you're awake. When you want to go to bed, they decide that they'd like to play/eat/take massive poops/do anything that you'd rather not do at 11PM.

She's also decided that she hates sleeping alone. I know it's only been two nights but everytime we try and put her in her crate to go to bed, you'd seriously think we were trying to kill her. This doesn't last for just five minutes either.

All. Night. Long.

I really wish I could just show her one of those Sarah McLachlan commercials that make us all turn the channel/cry hysterically so that she'd realize that her life isn't that bad.

She is seriously cute though so we'll just have to get used to our new life of not sleeping. Ever.
She also likes to take duck face photos so she's already the coolest dog ever.
So back to that little flooding comment.. we're seriously going under. Grand River which is pretty much what Grand Rapids was built on, is at a record high and whatever idiots built the flood walls back in 1900 something, obviously didn't know about global warming.
A Little Before/After Shot
From An Office Building On The River. Nemo?
Welp, time to go build my Ark.
Xoxo, Cortney

Thursday, April 18, 2013

When I Grow Up

Two Thirds Hazel
Erin and Whitney are taking my link up virginity today and I'm actually pretty pumped about it! Erin is one of my pretty little sorority sisters and who I originally started stalking and made me want to create a blog. So while they're frolicking around NYC together drinking Fireball, I'm going to participate in my very first link up!
When I Grow Up...
1. I'll gather all of my friends and family from all over and make us all live in the same city.
2. I'll marry this guy:

3. And wear this dress:

                4. I'll be a real house wife of Beverly Hills and my bestie will be Lisa.
I'll hang with Jiggy and Ken all day but not be as obnoxious as Brandi.
5. I will fufill my life long dream of dancing on Ellen.

6. I will invent the perfect cure for a hang over.
7. I'll own my own restaurant that is absolutely fabulous. Very Lisa Vanderpump of me.
8. I'll learn how to ballroom dance and make Paul learn with me.
9. I'll own an Italian Greyhound just like Kermit.

10. My kids will be the coolest and eat all of their fruit and veggies even though I don't.
11. My house will look exactly like my Pinterest house does.

12. I'll eat as much movie theater popcorn as I want without gaining
a single pound. That stuff is my kryptonite.
13. I'll live happily ever after. With my ballroom dancing husband, our vegetable
 eating children, and the rest of the Beverly Hills Housewives.

I could go on forever about when I grow up.. which is going to be never.
But I think I'll just stop at lucky number 13.

Now, what will you do when you grow up?

xoxo, Cortney
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