The Day I Took Over

Hi, I'm Remi.

Mom is really busy today.. AKA FINALLY getting all of her shopping done.. so her procrastinating ass thought maybe I would like to try out this whole blogging thing. After all, I do know how to FaceTime now.

 

Exhibit A.

And an education.

 

Exhibit B

And this blogging thing can't be all that hard anyway.. right?

 

 

But yup, that's me up there.

The Great Dane in the embarrassing hat.

That's not the first time Mom has dressed me up stupid..

 



Exhibit C



And I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't be the last.

                  I'm also not sure if I can completely blame it on the wine.

 

I think the next time she tries it,

I'm putting a perfectly manicured paw down,

because yup, the woman does that too.

After all, I am a shit ton bigger than her now.

 

 

And I'm only going to get bigger!

 

Even though she talks a lot of smack on here about me,

I know she secretly loves me.

 

 

Mostly because of all these embarrassing duck face selfies she takes with me.

(Seriously Mom, you're only embarrassing yourself.)

Bah hum bug.

The state of Michigan and I are in a fight. As if the shit ton of snow that we've already gotten wasn't enough, it thought that an ice storm would be appropriate right before Christmas. Showering by candle light is exactly what I wanted to do yesterday in my frozen apartment.

At least it smelled like Christmas cookies.

Then had to pack up the dog and go spend the night at PDiddy's parents along with his siblings that also had no power. 6 adults + 3 dogs = one interesting slumber party. Especially because Remi decided to be Cujo. Literally tried to eat one of the dogs because they got too close to her food. Whoever said Great Danes are "gentle giants" needs to slow their role.

This is shit for a post.. I apologize. I just really needed to bitch it out real quick. Hope everyone has power and isn't sleeping on their in law's floor on a bed made out of couch cushions! I promise to be a little less bitchy tomorrow. Only a little though.

Pinterest: 268, Cortney: 0

Welp, the office holiday party went off without a hitch. I successfully got everyone drunk so job well done.. Except I successfully got myself pretty drunk too which is why I couldn't even fathom the idea of a post yesterday. 26 year old me couldn't hang with 21 year old me.. that's for damn sure.

I did attempt to bake cookies on Monday night for said party though and found out that baking is just not a Cortney friendly activity.

I always pin a lot of recipes to my "yum" board but never make any of them because I'm lazy because I hate grocery shopping because none of the 267 recipes I've tried have ever turned out like the picture. So this pin has been sitting on my Pinterest for a year:

Little baby Snickers inside a sugar cookie.. Cute little festive balls of goodness. Easy enough right?

 

Wrong. My cookies flattened out into big green blobs. PDiddy didn't mind one bit though because he got to eat the really funny looking ones.

 

The solution:

 

 

Make somewhat better looking ones the second time around to hide the really ugly ones. Done and done.

 

Every single one was gone though so at least they tasted good! That's all that matters right?

 

Dear Santa, Define Good.

Woop! Second to last Monday before Christmas! You know what that means! That I should probably start my Christmas shopping. Is anyone else procrastinating as badly as I am this year? I'm a bad Santa.

I DID do something Christmas'ish this weekend though and had a little photo shoot with Remi for our Christmas cards. It took a lot of treats and peanut butter but we finally got a good one! .. or one where she doesn't look completely depressed.

Leave it to Target to have a Santa hat and beard for dogs.

I think she almost kind of liked it. Poor girl is always being made to dress up so she's probably just used to it by now.

Happy Monday ya'll.

Guess What!

If you're anything like me, those two little words send all sorts of excitement right through me as soon as I hear them. I must know immediately.. WHAT?!

And even if it's something really stupid, I get super excited about it anyway and need to know all the deets.

Well, I hope you didn't get too pumped over my guess what today because it's pretty boring news.. but still news.. which is pretty exciting around here since I haven't posted since Halloween.

I got a job! A big girl job.

It even came with my own big girl office!

What exactly am I doing? The jurys still out on that one but I'll keep ya posted.

I am in charge of super duper important things though like planning the company's holiday party. Like I said, super duper "important" things.

But what does this mean for my little relationship with my blog?
We're getting back together!
.. and I didn't even need to drunk text it and ask for it's foregiveness.
Best. Relationship. Ever.

Anyway, I've missed you guys. I know I completely dropped off the face of the earth before which was really stupid but I pinky promise I had some good reasons. I have a date with a bottle of Svedka later so if you want me to drunk text you how sorry I am for being an awful person blogger, let me know. But I'll probably just send an innappropriate snap chat instead. You're welcome. (wink)

The Great Danish Monster

Is anyone else as excited as I am for Halloween? We're throwing a Halloween party at our place this year and pumped is probably an understatement. You know who probably isn't as excited as I am? The 85 pound monster that sleeps in our living room AKA Remi.

For anyone with a big dog, you know it's nearly impossible to find Halloween costumes for large breeds. I've been searching online and in every Halloween store I could find for nearly 3 months. Until I decided to actually check out the H-ween section during my daily trip to Target (I seriously should just have my pay checks made out to them) and found the mother load of dog costumes including large and XL breeds!

I feel like I've made the discovery of a lifetime even though Target has probably been doing this for years.. But I'm just going to pretend that I'm the first to know about it and say: you're welcome and then show you the costumes that Remi can't wait to wear to rip off and tear into a million pieces all over the floor.

Seriously though, could they be any cuter?
The skunk was a strong contender..
& so was the princess costume but I'm wearing a tutu and we can't both wear a tutu.

So the winner was:

And she only shattered one picture frame in the process of putting this on. Is anyone else as dorky as I am and dressing up their animals?

Missing You's.

I really, really miss you guys.

I know I owe an explanation of why I just disappeared one day but for those of you that have reached out to me, I just want to say that I'm okay!

I still stalk most of you daily. Don't worry.